“They say cancer is a death sentence, I say it’s an excuse to live”
I spent two and a half years wondering what my purpose was. I spent two and half years watching my friends go to college, graduate with degrees, getting married and just over all doing big things. As much as I wanted to be proud of them I was hurting and couldn’t allow myself to be. I felt left behind. I felt extremely alone. My life had stopped cold in its tracks the day I received my diagnosis and I had no positive accomplishments or big moments of my own. It wasn’t fair. Thats all I could think. I was 22, retired, depressed, bald and dying. My glass was half empty. For two and half years my glass was half empty.
I can’t tell you exactly when, how or what my defining moment was. Hopelessness forcing it upon me? Maybe. An answered prayer? Maybe. All I know is that one day, just like that, it clicked. I wasn’t “behind” in life. I wasn’t missing any accomplishments. My life hadn’t stopped cold in its tracks. Cancer WAS not my life. It was apart of it, yes, but it was not my life. That was it, right there. Cancer DID NOT have my life, my life had cancer. I have cancer, cancer DOES NOT have me. Cancer does not define me. Cancer is not an adjective to describe myself with. CHLOE, WHAT IN THE HECK TOOK YOU SO LONG? That was my defining moment. How could I find my purpose in life if I was so worried about death?
I now firmly believe it is possible to be alive without living. I did it for two and half years. It took me two and half years… and with that, WALAH! My second defining moment. It’s hard to realize what I had realized, thats why it took me two and half years so how in the world could I had not seen right then and there that I HAD JUST FOUND MY PURPOSE?
I want to help others realize what took me two and a half years and a lot of praying to realize. I want others to have their defining moments and see life the way I do now. I could not have gone through this battle for nothing and there’s no way I could go through it, feel so low, find an answer to the mental madness and not use it, share it and overall try to help others overcome it. When life hands you lemons make lemonade, fill your half empty cup up and pour someone else a glass too.